I hope with every bit of my heart that I’m over you. That I can handle whatever encounter we may have and that I will stay faithful to my boyfriend. That girl is trying to get with you, she seems worse than me. I just have to keep my mantra, “we are no good for each other.”
Fucking
I don’t know if I’m actually happy because I am dating someone else or if I’m just pretending to be happy.
I blame the caffeine
I’m nearly at that point again when I can’t stand not letting you know. You do know I love you right? I want to message you and let you know that you need to say something right now. Let me know what’s in your head, on your mind. But I know it would annoy you and maybe you would begin to hate me?
I want to talk to my friends that still talk to you, is that too weird?
Fuck, I want to send this too much, I need to step away from the computer to stop myself. But then there is always my phone to message you with.
I feel like cursing a lot
I was doing so well and then I have no idea what fucking happened. I’m at the public library hoping you’re some how reading over my shoulder. Like that would actually happen. God damn it. I don’t even want to try to go for proper grammar and sentences.
I was fucking some guy, trying to get over. I argued that you want me to get over you. That I need to move on and that we were never actually meant to be together. I am trying to destroy everything with that guy so I can think about how much of a bastard you are.
Every song makes me think of you. I was watching P.S. I Love You wondering if I loved you that much. I like to think that I do. But then, I’m trying to accept that quite possibly you don’t love me while resisting the urge to messege you to say it. Finish what we started.
Maybe this was all brought up from those pro-life people at the college yesterday. They were giving out pamplets of course and I kept one. It’s been gnawing at me for the last 26 hours. Maybe it was that fortune cookie, I let myself hope you could make another one of my wishes come true.
I wish I could hate you and not love you so fucking much.
Come home.
O Children - Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds (by andjoe23)
This song is for the summer of 2011. The love of my life, our child that was never born, this is all of it.
Can you answer this?
I do really believe this guy I’m fucking is trying to get me to fall in love with him. If that does happen, will I still love you? The next time I see you will it destroy everything that I have built up so far? The false attitudes about not caring about you, not caring about the baby, would they be broken down and I will be back to crying every day again. Will this other man be heartbroken? Will you take me back?
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